Isabel's Birthday Party

   My husband, heaven help us, is well loved and valued at work. In the past 3 months he has helped open a site for his company in upstate New York, living there for 11 weeks, then was here for only 2 weeks before being sent to another site, commuting 75 miles each way. His company is also extremely busy right now, so even though he can come home every night, we hardly see him. He is also unable to take off time, like today, which is our firstborn's 5th birthday. With this in mind, Addison and I rode the train last Friday night to meet him after work and have a party and overnight stay there. Our running group had also planned a  party in the same town, so we were able to bring Joshua along to party with us. 

   Addison demanded that Isabel wanted a princess party with a cake and swimming. Mark picked up a delicious cake from The Chocolate Bakery in Orem, Utah. We HAD to have cake because Addison has been practicing singing Happy Birthday to Isabel for at least a month now. So we had a little cake and tiara party in our room and a swim in the pool. I get the feeling that Isabel would have liked our choices. Addison certainly did. And the party continued the next morning when we wore our tiaras to the hotel breakfast by demand of Addison. I couldn't think of a better way to remember Isabel.

Selfie in the hotel mirror.

Mmmm, cake from The Chocolate in Orem.

If Joshua can post a selfie of the event, the event never took place.

My second princess enjoying the cake.

Digging in.

Five Years of Grief: Celebrating A Death and A Birth

   Mark just texted me from work in Orem, Utah. Apparently, it is snowing there right now. Of course it is. Of course, the one year he didn't take off Isabel's birthday, it is going to snow and he is 75 miles away from home. It's his punishment for being too valuable to take off time during this extremely busy time at work.

   The snow falling isn't just a commute annoyance for my husband. It is a reminder that five years ago, we met and said goodbye to our first born. We knew she wasn't going to stay with us. We knew she was very sick and that she would probably pass soon after her birth, if she was even able to survive that. Which she didn't. After 37 hours of intense labor and an hour of pushing, she passed, unable to take the brutality of being born. Three hours later, my doctor physically pulled her out and onto my waiting chest, unable to admit that she had passed. The medical team NEVER admitted she passed. It was something we figured out ourselves. The realization punctuated when the largest snowfall of the year started outside.

   And now, five years have passed since that night when that sweet baby was placed on my chest, lifeless and beat up. I still remember that exact moment when Mark saw her and left my side, sobbing. I just looked at her. This was the moment I had waited for, the moment I became a mom. And here I was, looking at my first born, in utter dismay that I had failed to get her out in time. I had failed her again. She was gone, and it was all my fault.

   Isabel was diagnosed with Anencephaly at my big ultrasound at 18 weeks.  The ultrasound tech was too afraid to tell us what she was seeing, so after the appointment, we were sent to my doctor, who was pulled from surgery to tell us what they had found. A week later we made the trip to a specialist who confirmed the diagnosis. With upturned nose he informed me that I needed to "get rid of it" and that "I was a bad mom for continuing on with the pregnancy" because I "certainly could die from complications." When I asked what caused this he claimed "It is probably your fault for being overweight and not taking prenatal vitamins and eating poorly." Despite the fact that I had actually lost a little weight before getting pregnant, was eating healthy, and was taking a prenatal with 1 gram of folic acid, more than most prenatals contain. I left depressed and hating myself. I had caused this.

   Five years later, and a lot of research under my belt, it turns out that he actually knew very little about Anencephaly. Yes, a lack of folic acid can cause Anencephaly, but there are a lot of other factors that can also. In my case, the likelihood it was a folic acid deficiency  is low because I was taking almost 3 times the amount a normal woman would take. I could have the MTHFR gene mutation, which causes Anencephaly, as well as many other birth defects. I have never been tested because of the cost and our insurance wouldn't cover any of it. This could also be caused by environmental factors like pestisides and mold in our food system. I grew up on a farm, constantly exposed to all sorts of bad things. And before Isabel, Mark and I didn't take eating organic seriously. Trust me, we certainly do now!

   All of these "it could be this" and "you might have this" still comes back to me. I still, five years later, bitterly blame myself for her death. Despite having a healthy child since, I still think of my healthy daughter as a fluke and Isabel as the norm. The loss of Addison's twin only instilled in me how my body is hurting my children. And as I sit here, five years later, I still feel the terrible pain of knowing that Isabel never stood a chance. And I hate myself for that.

   Everyone tells me that grief gets easier. People are liars. It gets easier to be distracted from the pain, but the pain is still there. I like to think of my thoughts and emotions as an ocean. Isabel's loss is like an oil spill. The memories and pain permeate the water. Every aspect of my life has been touched by her. At first, all I could see was the oil floating on the top, covering everything, changing what and who was allowed to stay in the water. I have learned to let go of several things and people in my life that couldn't deal with my grief. And that is fine. Time has helped the water push the grief to the bottom, but sometimes, my pain rises to the top and I can no longer ignore that there will always be pain, grief, longing, and sadness in my ocean.

  I have been forever changed. Becoming a mother does that to you. So does grief. So does life. I wish with every fiber of my being she was here today, opening her presents and eating cake. Instead I look to the falling rain outside and think about how this is her way of being her today, just like the falling snow was her way of saying goodbye five years ago. It isn't the same thing, but it is all we have and I will take it. 

   

   

    

   

The Burn. Oh, My, Did It Burn.

   Some races you sign up for because they seem like a fun race. Other races you sign up for because that is what everyone else is doing. I signed up for my marathon because of a lapse in judgement I was having for a couple of months (just joking, but really...). Right before my marathon, when I decided that I was insane for ever running races longer than 3.1 miles, I saw a post in one of my running groups from a race director that was starting a race so challenging it could only be called one thing, The Burn. The race was to be ran starting at the bottom of a canyon and ending at the top, 6.5 miles away. The climb, they promised, would be a gain of 3000 feet. The race was the answer to the growing question over whether us Utah road runners have gotten lazy with the growing number of downhill races.

One of our hill training runs.

   And I was exactly the runner the "Earn Your Downhill" enthusiasts were lambasting. I spent all running season training running down canyons, cursing races with any hills at all, and wondering why I wasn't growing into the runner I wanted to be. I am a great downhill runner. However, I live in Utah where every race has at least some hill portion, and I flounder. I knew the time had come for me to get better at hills. This seemed like the perfect race for me to shoot for post-marathon.
  It didn't take long to talk Joshua into the race. In fact, the conversation went like this:
      Me: Josh, did you see this race? (sharing the link)
      Joshua: I'm in!
Joshua is a little too easy to talk into races. So post marathon, both of us started training for the race. We trained together several times, running up Emigration Canyon, the hills in Bountiful, Utah, and doing the 5k 2 days before just for some last minute speed training.  I knew going in I wasn't going to be a strong, run up the whole mountain in no time, runner, but I was much stronger than I had been just 6 weeks earlier.
   Mark was home and going to take Josh and I to the race before heading for a few hours of daddy/daughter time. The race was running up Butterfield Canyon, in Herriman, Utah. We had a little later start, 9AM, giving us ample sleep and commute time. And despite the race being on November 1, we still had nice weather for the race. Joshua and I tried setting a good pace and knew we would be doing some walking, some running, some whining. The climb started out not very steep, but by mile 2, really started to get more challenging. We ended up walking and walking faster for most of the climb. We didn't care. The canyon was beautiful and we were still having a good 16 minute pace despite the lack of running. Mile 4 started getting really steep and we almost took up a crawling pace just to get to the top of each foreseeable hill. Still, we were prepared mentally and we were in great spirits.

IT'S STEEP!

   The race had two options once you got to the top. Option one, you get to the top and a van would bring you back down after you got a snack. Option two, you turn and run back down the canyon. Josh and I decided to run the canyon both race from the beginning so Josh would have another race to count to his 180 goal. By the time Josh and I got to mile 4/4.5 runners were already running back down and were passing us in vans. They all checked to see if we were okay. We were doing awesome, actually. Honestly. We were having a great time. Sure, the climb was no joke, but we knew it was going to be tough and we just kept saying how much stronger we were getting. Because we were.
   We finally reached the top of the canyon at 2:17. I was third from the last person, and perfectly happy about it. I knew full well that had I had done the race even 2 months prior, I would have been dead last and crying about how hard it was. Instead, I was completely overjoyed with how mentally strong I was getting and wanting to do the whole thing again the next week. The race director, being the smartest man on earth, had a plethora for snacks at the top, chocolate candy bars, pretzels, Dr. Pepper, water, granola bars, and other yummy things. One of the snacks was Butterfingers. Seeing them was my sign that Isabel was there, cheering me on. After a refuel. Josh and I headed back down the canyon, being the last runners to chose to do that.

Isabel was there!

   My legs were hurting right as we started, but soon were loose and enjoying the downhill. We found a great pace and the miles paced quickly. We only had a couple of hiccups. We saw a deer, which gave Josh a small heart attack. We made sure to make enough noise to scare off the rest of the deer population after that. Then at mile 12-ish I tripped. I caught myself, but it jarred my left leg and back a little. Despite the hiccups, we made it out of the canyon with an official time of 3:58:11. Addison and Mark happily greeted us, having spent almost an hour worrying about us. The race director, who kept coming to see if we were okay during our run down, was also relieved we made it out. There is always that worry.
   Overall, the race was awesome. It was hard. Wonderfully hard. But, I loved the challenge. Josh and I are totally doing this again.

Did I mention the awesome medals?

A Last Minute 5k

 

   For those of you that don't know, Mark has been out of town in Watertown, NY doing some work for his company since the week before we ran our first marathon in September. He actually was only there 5 days before they flew him back home to run! He flew back home the morning after our race and we were apart 7 weeks and 3 days before he was able to come home for a few days again. Mark's company was only willing to fly him home 2 times during his 3 month tour of Watertown and his marathon counted as one. We put off his second visit so he would be home for Halloween. We wanted him to be able to make holiday memories with Addison, even if it meant we would be apart 2 months. 

  Finally, October 28th rolled around and Mark was due to get in at 9:15 that night. To pass the time while Addison was at school, I was surfing Facebook when a race director posed in one of my running groups that he had a large number of medals and shirts left over from his Halloween half marathon that had taken place the previous Saturday. He was thinking about throwing a 5k that coming Thursday for $15 and the finishers would get a medal, a shirt, and a BBQ. How could I resist? After finally getting word to Mark during his layover in Philadelphia, we decided to sign up for the race. Joshua was also on board. It was a running party!

   So Thrusday evening we met at a Foxboro North Regional Park, which just happens to join the Legacy Parkway Trail. We ran an out and back race that was not timed by the race officials. We did get bibs and was told the faster we got back, the better the medal and shirt we would get. Mark pushed Addison since I had had that pleasure for two months without him, and I decided since the trail is mostly flat, I would try to get as close to a sub-30 minute finish I could get. Joshua was going to push Reese, an assisted athlete, and whose goal was just to get some good pushing experience. Having pushed Addison in the jogger for 2 months, I knew I would probably be faster than him and decided to stay ahead of him during the run. A smart person would have tried to keep up with Mark knowing that he would lead me to a sub-30 finish for sure, but I am not always a smart person.

   I started out well, maybe even a little too slow. My first mile came in at 11:35. I needed to run a 10:00 pace to get close to a 30 minute finish, so I decided to pick up the pace. However, my legs were having none of it. I ended up trying to stretch them out a couple of times and when that didn't help, I fell in step with another runner who wanted to run with me. Tine had just ran the Big Cottonwood half and was trying to get back into running regularly post race. After talking a while she realized she recognized me from my marathon finish video that was making the rounds on Facebook. She was one of several people that night that recognized me. 

   I ended up finishing the race in 37:39 and with a new friend. Mark, being a speedy speeder finished far enough ahead of me to get Addison dressed in his new race shirt and them both back to the finish to have Addison run me to the end. It was the best way to finish a race.  

Tine and I at the finish. I love meeting new running friends!

My Favorite Fall Recipe (For right now)

Mmmmm. Even my 3-year-old loves it.

   So fall is FINALLY here. I know, it is almost November. But, it has been unseasonably warm here in Northern Utah and the leaves are just now turning in my neighborhood. Usually, they are gone by now.
 

Every time a leaf falls from a tree, I yell "traitor" at it and shake my fist at it. My fist is getting tired. 

 Because of the now cooling weather, I decided it was a comfort food type of day. I had seen a few pins recently on Pinterest for crock pot Chicken and Dumplings and knew they would be a hit with the 3-year-old, but almost all of them called for cans of Cream of Chicken soup. In my quest to be healthier, I have been trying to avoid the canned stuff. If it looks like that coming out of the can, then that is what you are going to look like after eating it. BUT I have finally perfected a Cream of Chicken soup recipe and decided to try my hand at making my own Chicken and Dumplings recipe. OH MAN! It is yummy! And best of all, I know it is preservative free! Win win.

 Crock Pot Chicken and Dumplings

2 boneless/skinless chicken breasts

2 T. butter

2 cups low sodium chicken stock/broth

1 batch cream of chicken soup (recipe below)

1 ½ T. Mrs. Dash onion and herb seasoning or dried onion (can also use ½ of an onion, small diced)

1 T. dried parsley

1 batch dumplings (recipe below)

Place chicken in crock pot and top with butter. Top with cream of chicken soup, broth, and seasonings. Cook on high for 4-5 hours or on low 8-9 hours or until chicken is cooked and shred-able, but NOT dry.  Shred chicken and add it back to crock pot. Gently stir in dumplings (very very gently), replace lid, and cook on high for 1 hour. Stir gently when soup is finished cooking. Enjoy it while it’s warm!

Cream of Chicken Soup Recipe:

6 T. flour

1/2 tsp. salt

½ tsp. pepper

2 T. butter

1 C. low sodium chicken stock or broth

1 1/2 C. skim milk

Melt the butter in a sauce pan over medium heat. Meanwhile, mix the flour, salt, and pepper in a small bowl. When butter is melted, add in the flour mixture and allow the flour to cook some, stirring constantly. Slowly add in chicken stock, whisking constantly. When chicken stock is mixed in, add milk slowly, whisking constantly. When everything is mixed, remove from heat and add to crock pot over chicken and butter.

Dumplings Recipe:

1 cup flour

½ tsp. sugar

½ T. baking powder

½ tsp. salt

4 T. butter, cold and cut into small chunks

¼ cup milk

Combine dry ingredients in stand mixer (or can be done by hand). Add in butter and mix until butter is pea sized and covered with flour. Add milk and mix lightly until just combined, then knead with hands until dough comes together. Pat out or roll dough into ½ inch round. Cut dough vertically into ½ inch strips, then cut horizontally into ½ inch squares. Add into crock pot the last hour of cooking and stir gently. Finish cooking soup on high for 1 hour.

Remembering some things lost, celebrating some things gained.

     The National Day of Pregnancy and Infant Loss (October 15) came again last Wednesday. We tried celebrating as a family (Mark is still in New York), so we Facetimed and participated in the Wave of Light (everyone is asked to light a candle at 7PM, in their time zone, and keep it lit for 1 hour. If everyone in every time zone did this, there would be a wave of light across the globe). So we each had a candle for Isabel and one for Poppy, Addison's twin that we lost at 8 weeks. Addison and I listened to Isabel's songs while we got our candles ready and talked about both babies. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was enough for us.

   Addison was also out of school all last week, so I had the extra challenge of trying to get all my workouts in with her home (I have grown used to working out while she is in school). Addison started her vacation off with a bout of the stomach flu, so we had 4 days of awesome to start out our vacation. Luckily, I didn't get sick. All of this working out and supplements I am taking must be paying off!

   Once I was able to have all the laundry off my workout room floor, I was able to get back in and do my BeFit in 30 Extreme challenge. I decided on Wednesday to make up the one workout I missed while Addison was sick and to do that day's workout too. Holy crap! They are only 20 minute workouts, but they are so intense I was actually shaking when I finished the second one. I am hoping that saying, "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger" is true and I will be one muscled woman!

   Besides those workouts, I was also able to get in some running. Addison was finally feeling good enough, and no longer contagious, so we headed to the park Thursday and I pushed her in the stroller and tried to do a fast 5k. My PR set at the Salt Lake City Marathon 5k in 2013 is 34:55, so I was hoping to just get close to that. And it was a tall order. I have been struggling to run since my marathon and am averaging 15 minute miles. It is exasperating how difficult running any faster has become. I knew pushing the stroller was going to add an extra challenge, and my legs were still sore from the day before, so I decided to just push hard and see where that would get me. I was surprised that my first mile came in at 13 minutes. It was still slower than my pre-marathon mile pace, but so much faster than I have been. I ended up doing a 39 minute 5k. Which, by the way, is almost 10 minutes faster than my previous attempts over the last 4 weeks.

   That night Joshua reminded me that Emigration Canyon was going to be closed for a race Saturday, causing me to scramble about what to do about my long run that week. I had been planning to head to Salt Lake to do an 8 mile up and back in the canyon. I could head to a different canyon, but I know Emigration so well and it is the best canyon to push a stroller through. Joshua was going to be sweeping the course Saturday, which meant not a lot of running for him, so I convinced him to go running with me in the Canyon Friday night.

   We had decided to do 5 miles. Joshua would still have legs for his race the next day, and I would have a decent hill run. The run was challenging going up. Pushing the stroller feels like trying to push a wall up the canyon. I was only able to run short distances and we ended up walking a good portion. Still, any time going up is training and getting to do some miles with Joshua was amazing. I love running with Joshua. 

   It wasn't a fast run, but it was a good run. And it kind of summed up my week. The training was hard, but it was good. I am excited to see if all the extra cross-training and the change up in my running routes/speed/hill work help get me to my sub-30 5k goal. My first opportunity to test my training will be the Turkey Trot at CSI on Thanksgiving. I have 5 weeks left!    

When Running Can't Come First

 

Taking a snack break after an awesome solo run at a local park. Gotta get in these runs while the weather is still warm.

   When Mark and I tell people that we run races, the first question we always get is, "How do you have time for that?" And to us the answer is simple, we make time for it. We all only have 24 hours a day and with a child, a house, and Mark's over 40 hour a week job, it can be a lot to fit in. In order to run, we do sacrifice other things. For instance, this summer when we were marathon training, we basically sacrificed Saturday to running long runs and recovering. Mid week runs are up even more time. We missed out on a lot of the typical summer things we like to do like going to the drive-in movies, swimming at the local aquatic center, drives in the mountains, picnics, and even some travel. Sure, we tried to do those things here and there, but for the most part our summer was spent running for hours and then napping and being sore. But, for one summer, we were willing to make that trade. We needed one summer of missed week nights and Saturdays to forever say and know we were marathoners.
   We miss other things to be runners too. We can't just eat whatever we want. I mean, we could, but then we were suffer in our running. We sacrifice eating out for spending more to eat at home so we know we are eating well. We also spend more to get organic whenever possible. It is a sacrifice we are willing to make so that we know we are getting the best food we can get. We have to get sleep and usually a late night for us is staying all the way until 10 PM! We miss television events, Saturday morning sleep-ins, just sitting on the sofa binge watching Netflix, and other normal things people do. We purposely chose to sacrifice those things.
    And while running is free, the things we chose to need for our running isn't. Races, for example can cost anywhere from $10 for our No Snow 5K we run every January to our over $100 marathon. If we both run 5 races a year, that adds up. Our shoes are around $100 a pair and I am on my 3rd and 4th pair (I mix up what shoes I wear to lessen the risk of injury) this year (each pair is only good for around 350-400 miles for me). Then we have running clothes which we buy usually on clearance, but that still adds up. Then there are mid-run nutrition needs, electrolyte water so I am less prone to migraines, vitamins and supplements (can't live without fish oil and joint supplements), Powerade, water bottles we can carry while running, our jogging stroller and stuff to keep Addison happy while we log hours of running, GPS apps and running music, and the list never seems to end. We pass on doing other things like eating out often, shopping for "normal" stuff, going to the movies, and "living like a normal person" to run. We are often teased about claiming we are poor, but we budget our lives so we can run. And we do it happily.
   The whole goal of all of this for us is just to be healthy. For a long time in both our lives, we put our health last and paid the price by being overweight and pushing ourselves into lives of heart disease, high blood pressure, and who knows what else. One day we decided that wasn't going to be our fate if we had anything to do with it. So we started running. Our goals were little at first, then they grew and grew. We went from struggling to run a mile straight to running half marathons and eventually a full marathon.
   And while we were growing as runners, I was noticing that I wasn't gaining like a lot of people around me seems to be able to do. Sure, I was running the same training runs and races, but I was usually one of the last people. If you wanted to train with me, be prepared to run slow and walk sometimes. I am doing the best I could do, but I feel like I am not improving. What was I doing wrong? Is it because I am still fat for a runner? Is it because I am not training hard enough and pushing myself to death every run? Am I not running enough, period? Should I do more cross-training? Why am I still running 12:00 miles? Why was I second to last at my marathon? I am beating myself up over all of this.
   Then two things happened. I read an article about how much I really needed to be running in order to be in "good half shape" (30-40 miles a week. I currently only do about 20). And then, Joshua asked me to prioritize my life. I realized running came after my marriage, my kids, and was only part of my health plan, not the center. Sure, I could drop everything and run more and become more intense about running X miles a week with this workout on this day, blah blah blah. But, I don't want to do that. First of all, I will not and can not pawn off my responsibilities as a parent to do these things. It wasn't until Addison started school a couple of weeks ago that I wasn't with her 24/7. And I love that I am able to be with her. So many parents can't be home. But, that also meant that I had to work around her schedule and mood to workout and if we want to run, either my husband or I are pushing her in the stroller. Which is fine, but it is also something to plan around. With her going to school for a couple of hours a day a few days a week, I now can plan a run or a workout during that time. But, that isn't always the case. I look forward to the day Addison is old enough to watch herself, or better yet, can run with us once in a while. Then I can really focus on being the runner I really think I can be. But until then, I am not willing to sacrifice my time with my family too much to not be there.
   I am also kind of burned out from running. I did some amazing things this year. I set a new PR, breaking a 2:45 half marathon after chasing it for 2 years. I ran a marathon. But I am also tired. I didn't do as well as I would have hoped. I don't feel I improved enough this year. I feel the need to do more in my training then just running for distance sake. I have started doing several things in the weeks following my marathon. I started the BeFit in 90 Extreme challenge. I work out doing those videos 4 days a week. I am also doing more hill and tempo training. I hate difficult running because I have not done much to train for it. It has taken me 2 years and 7 months of training to realize that the difficult training runs is what will make me the stronger and faster runner I long to be. I am also focusing on the smaller races this winter. I would like to break the 30 minute 5K and the hour 10K. And while most people around me would tell me I need to do longer training runs, I am getting in what I can, even if it is only 3 miles a weekday run, 2-3 times a week, and 8-10 on the weekends. I may not be averaging the 30-40 I should be to be killing the half marathon distance, but I am doing what fits my current schedule. And at the end of the day, that is the best I can do.
   For me, with a small child and a husband and a house and other obligations, running can't come first. It may be years until I can devote myself to running to really get faster and stronger. But. for now, I do what I can and I know for me, it has to be enough. There is still plenty of time in my life to do those other things. Right now I hope to just be a good wife and mother. I hope to have a semi-decently clean home. I try to serve my family healthy food and promote a healthy lifestyle. I can't do everything. Maybe dreams of a 2 hour half or a 4 hour marathon are worth putting off as I build this foundation of a good life now.

My training partner. She can be a bit of a pace killer, but she is too cute to get mad at about it.

What is next on the training docket?

   So while marathon training I promised myself I would never do something so intense and stupid again. I swore I would focus on shorter distances with the goal of getting to be a faster runner overall. I am going to work on a sub-30 5K and sub-hour 10K. That was the plan. That and lots of circuit training to beef up my muscles.
   Then, not too long before the marathon someone from one of my running Facebook groups started a race that sounded intriguing for November 1. Well, intriguing, hard, and completely intense. Within minutes of reading the description, I wrote Joshua about it and we decided to run it. And while it may not be a marathon, it will be just as insane, but for a shorter distance. Joshua and I signed up to run a 6.5 mile race UP one of the Salt Lake area canyons, and we won't know which one for sure until 48 hours before the race! They are calling this type of running "earning your downhill," but the actual race is only counting the uphill run! Joshua and I are going to finish the race then run back down the canyon to get a full half in to count toward his lifetime race goals. If you don't believe me about how crazy this idea is, here is the website: http://extramileracing.com/burn/ Judge for yourself.
   So, to prepare, I have been ramping up my speed and strength training. I am always looking for new workouts and I found a whole bunch of them from the BeFit people on You Tube. I am currently doing some BeFit Extreme workouts that are basically circuit training and cardio on steroids. I do that 4-5 times a week and run 3 times a week doing courses with hills twice a week. I have been purposely avoiding running uphill too long and it is killing me on race day. I think between the two things, I should be ready in a month to kick that hill in the trash can.

The hill by my house. It maybe short, but it is steep. That combined with my inclined run up to it in my neighborhood makes for a .10 mile climb equal to what I should be expecting in elevation gain at the race. It's killer. 

   I also FINALLY got my Altra Intuition 2.0 shoes. I have been running in 1.5's and have worn through 2 pairs and working on a third this year before my new shoes came. I love my 1.5's. I thought they were the best shoes that could ever be made. Then Altra made the 2.0. And honestly folks, they are amazing. So comfy. And cushioned. And everything a gal like me could ask for in a shoe. I wore them for my 5 miles around my neighborhood and up my hill today and I love them. Having them makes me want to run more (which is terrible because I make bad decisions in running). Hopefully the shoes don't talk me into something even more insane than running up a mountain or a marathon.

My new shoes. I love them more than anything.

Um, Jill, The Blog Is Green.

  It's October, already. I dread this month every year. I have never really liked October. I am not a fall person. While I think the fall leaves are pretty, I hate them for falling off the trees. I have been known to yell traitor to all the falling leaves while doing a fall walk with my husband before. Yeah. And for me, October is the month to blame for all the incoming months of dead and snow. That is just how it is for me.
  October does have special meaning to me now, though. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, so I get to remember my sweet babies this month. The 15th is actually the Remembrance Day for the month and there is something really cool you can do to remember all the babies that have been lost. At 7PM, your time zone, light a candle and keep it lit for an hour. Then, as you blow your candles out, the next time zone is lighting theirs and this will create a wave of light across the globe. I urge everyone who reads this to do this simple act. Let's remember every baby.
  I light the candles in my home not only for Isabel, but to also remember Addison's twin I lost at 8 weeks. This is really the only anniversary we have to remember our loss. I am thankful for the opportunity to have a date to remember that loss by.
  To remember Isabel, specifically, I have turned my blog green. Green is the color of Anencephaly awareness. If you are new to my blog and know little to nothing about Anencephaly, then you can click here, here, and here to learn more. I know for me, when I was carrying Isabel, the last two were particularly helpful because I was able to read stories and meet other people who have been through the same thing. Such a blessing in such a bleak time.
  So that is how my October is shaping up. I hope you all are having a wonderful fall, and if you hate October like I do, then we can yell at the leaves together.
 

Pictures Of A Marathon

   I recounted my marathon tale in a previous post, but I had to tell the story again in pictures. I sill can't stop looking at these. It is surreal that I am a marathoner. I hope you enjoy them too. 

Photo opportunity at the packet pick-up. I love this. I think it shows how marathon training is a family affair.

Carb loading with this hot guy at Old Spaghetti Factory.

Carbs, 3-legged balloon cats, and Joshua. It was a great night.

Keeping warm with these lovely people.

Our in-depth conversation about poop while Joshua hung out in a porta potty pre-race.

It's getting light and close to race time.

My two favorite men.

Joshua looked all over to get a quality rubber ducky shirt and personalized his bib. That is true friendship.

And we are off! 

Trying to nip my blisters in the bud at mile 7.

Every race Joshua and I run together we have one of these pictures. We usually have several takes to get us both jumping at the same time.

Joshua showing off his duck shirt.

Sun's out, guns out with Time and Joshua.

Maybe this is because the other 99% isn't crazy?

I would rather see Mark or John Krasinski, but I would settle for Ryan.

Every canyon run has to have one of these pictures of Joshua and I.

Running with Dulcinea at mile 15.

The terrible out and back. Tim kept me laughing and the miles passing quickly.

Only a 10k left!

We found Dulcinea's sign for me at mile 21, right as the wall hit. Perfect timing to remind me why I do this.

Tight hamstrings and a tired brain forces a stretch pit-stop.

Just a couple of miles left.

THIS VIDEO

Seeing Mark my first time as a marathoner.

Thanking Joshua for putting up with me.

After 6 hours and 42 minutes, I AM A MARATHONER!

One of my favorite pictures of the day. This is a cherished moment.

Three marathoners super sunburned but super happy.