|Bib? Check. Historic timing chip? Check. Time to race!|
|Waiting for my ride at|
4:30 AM. I have strange
ideas of fun.
|Camille and I riding the bus to|
|Kasie, Camille, Brook and I at the start.|
Things were going okay. It was getting hot and I had a couple of people ahead of me I also was secretly racing with, so I thought I would stay at a good pace to finish. Then I saw the mile 6 bathrooms and knew I better make a pit stop. I was worried about trying to catch back up, but I also know that if you have to go potty at all during a race, you go the first chance you get or there may not be another porta-potty.
I rejoined the race and noticed just how hot it was getting for the first time. We left the road we were running on and started on a trail that climbed up beside the road. I knew there was a hill or two in this area based on the elevation chart, and had planned to walk quickly up the hill and down the other side. However, I was not planning on what turned out to be almost 3 miles of hills and an other mile of rolling roads. During this rough stretch there was also a lack of mile markers and water stations, so I was truly thankful for the water I was carrying.
The heat was getting to me. I am the worst runner ever in some respects. I hate hills and try not to train on them, but I have a knack for finding races that are hilly courses. I always cuss myself out for not running more hills in training and swear I will never run a hilly course again only to find myself on one the next race I run. I was running alone and hot and getting a migraine and then I started burping and dry heaving. I fell in with 2 girls running/walking together and we were joined by another one before the mile 9 watering station. We bonded over our annoyance that the course wasn't marked with mile markers and enough watering stations in the heat. You can always make a friend at any race you run.
Mile 9 ended the hilly trail portion and we again were running in the streets. We ran through the towns of Mapleton and Springville, where the finish-line was waiting us. By mile 10 and after 4 miles of hills, I had had it with the race. My tummy hurt. It was hot, really hot. I had a headache. I just wanted to be done. I looked at the time and realized if I wanted to finish in my goal time, I would have to run 10 minute miles. This was no longer the downhill portion I had at the first and my legs were not going to do it, so I walked along, my new friends getting ahead of me on their next running stint.
Then the best thing that could have happened to me other than the finish-line being moved closer, I was passed by a fast walker. Channeling my inner Leslie Sansone, I let me feet catch the beat of my music and I started walking. I regularly run in place/ walk to her walking videos and knew that I could fast walk 3 miles just fine, even in the horrible heat. So I walked and thought about what Leslie would tell me if she were there. That carried me through mile 10 and even helped my pass all my new friends. The original lady that passed me fast walking had much longer legs than mine and she stayed ahead of me, but I chased after her. Mile 11 was pretty good also. There were a couple of downhill portions that I ran and then kept to my fast walking pace. Mile 12 came and I knew I would be out of my misery soon.
But sometimes, things don't go as planned. Obviously. Right after the mile marker, Isabel's song happened.
I started really questioning my choices. Why do I run? Why isn't this getting any easier? Why is everyone around me getting so much faster and I am not improving at all? Why does my body kill my children and hold me back in running? I also figured out my pace and realized I was walking FASTER than I had ran/walked miles 6-10. I started spiraling. How am I going to run a marathon if I can't even finish a half in under 3 hours reliably? I was weeping all the tears I have been bottling up for a really long time. All of my self hate came pouring out, and I was still very much in public. Finally, I was able to contain myself and ran into Kasie and friends probably less than 1/4 a mile from the finish-line. They gave me the hope I needed to run to the finish.
|Finishing without Addison.|
|It wasn't the finishing time I wanted, but they still|
gave me a medal anyway.
I still don't know how to feel about the race. I REALLY am mad about my performance and, for the first time ever, feel a lot of self hate and doubt about my running future. I have been running for 2 years. I should be seeing better gains than I am. Why is everything so much harder for me than it is for everyone else around me in this sport? That is how it feels right now. I am the only one I know that struggles to get healthy babies here and isn't a good runner and can't lose weight without having to starve myself while training. I really am struggling. The only thing that could top this whole experience off is my husband signing us up for our marathon today. Talk about the cherry on top. I guess I better figure all this out before September.