Post Race Blues (And how I will beat them)

   Well,  the pain from PF I felt during the race a month ago wasn't just from use and I have been forced to give up running, for now. Which, despite the fact that running isn't fun for me unless I am racing, has left me a little miffed. And I am forced to give up on the race I was supposed to run in July. Mark is now running two half marathons in about 12 hours. It should be awesome and interesting. I will have to be a cheerleader, which will be okay, but I really would like another medal. ;)
  So, in the meantime, I need to figure out something to keep me in shape for when I can run. And, I really need to ramp up my weight loss. Right now I am stalled out at 20 pounds lost. So, the plan is two-fold. First, I am restarting the Ripped In 30 program. I will be doing it Monday-Friday for 4 weeks. AND, I will also be walking for almost 20 miles a week. The second part of my plan is to go on a (mostly) plant based diet. Our garden is finally going enough to give us lettuce and beets. Soon, there should be strawberries, peas, beans, tomatoes, broccoli, and carrots. Maybe even peppers. All organic, of course. Either way, I can still eat salads twice a day. My plan is to try to get to 10+ servings a day. And to very limit dairy and eggs. No meat. And only one serving of carbs a day. In the past, when we have gone vegetarian, we have actually gone carbatarian. To lose weight, I can't do that again.
   So, here we go. Wish me luck!

Race #3: YMCA Famous Idaho Potato Marathon

The mental picture of me passing the finish line and getting one of these medals was what kept me going those last 3 miles!

  I can finally, and happily say that I am a half marathoner. And I LOVE it! As all of you know, Mark and I have been training, on and off for a year, to run our first half marathon. After injuries and other health problems prevented me from running the Rock n' Roll Half in Vegas last December, I thought our goal would never be reached. But thanks to our dear friend Jay for finding us a race by all our family, and our running friends Josh and Ryan for their support and wisdom, we can now say that we are half marathoners. And we couldn't have picked a better first race.
  We had to travel to Boise, Idaho for the race, and there is no better reason to travel than going to a race. We left Thursday night and stayed with my parents in Twin Falls, Idaho so that could break up the drive for Addison and get a little longer in Twin to go see Isabel before the race. Friday we traveled to Boise where we found where we needed to be the next day, picked up our race packets, and stayed with Mark's Aunt Patty, Uncle Dirk, and Cousin Joey. Joey, being 13, enjoyed having a friend in Addison, and we enjoyed being around them. After getting us carb loaded and Addison bedded down in Joey's room, slumber party style, Mark and I headed for bed just after 10PM.
   We got up Saturday at 4:40AM to head to the race. I have never been so nervous in my life, and I did speech and debate tournaments in high school and college! I prayed and prayed while I rolled out my foot that I wouldn't make a fool of myself, that I could finish, and that I wouldn't get hurt. I prayed for Mark. I prayed for the race's safety. I prayed for my brother and niece that were running the 5k that day. Then, I got ready, tummy churning the whole time. I have found that I have better runs when I talk myself up while I get ready. So I told myself that I was going to do awesome. That my legs were feeling great. That I was going to run better than I have ever run. I just was starting to feel calmer, then I was forced to eat. I gagged down half a bagel and took my banana to the start line hoping to feel better at some point.
   Then something strange happened on the shuttle bus. I did start feeling better. And I was feeling pretty good waiting for the race to start. Adrenaline is a magical drug that makes even the worst nerves calmer. I was even able to eat my banana. A warm up walk and some stretching later, we were ready to line up. But Mark and I still had not found Jay, our friend from our days at the College of Southern Idaho. And we couldn't call him, we had no cell service up in the canyon. We were hoping that we could spot him at some point after the race, still I was disappointed. We should have called him while we were getting on the shuttles. Still, by the time the start gun went off, we were ready to run.
   The race for both the marathon and half marathon started at Lucky Peak State Park. There were 1,582 runners all trying to get in a good position for their running pace. The first 3 miles or so were on the road to Lucky Peak. Then we moved onto the Greenbelt, a running path that runs through Boise and several parks. We mostly followed it back to the finish line. I was told on the shuttle up there that the first watering station was at 2 miles. I gauge my walking to running ratios (yes, I still can't run 13.1 straight) based on miles. Unless I am running a short run or 5k, I usually can run 1, then I need to take a drink and walk while I do that. Then another mile, another drink. At around 4 miles, the walks are slightly longer. I usually end up walking about a mile or so of a long run (8 or more miles), but I still get there, and that is all that matters. So I am running and running and thinking "Although I don't need a drink, this has been a freaking long mile!" Imagine my happiness when I discovered shortly after those thoughts I had ran 2 miles! Of course, my speed demon husband was so far ahead of me by this point, I couldn't see him anymore, but there are so many runners, you never feel alone while running. Everyone is now an instant friend.
   The first watering station was actually at around mile 3. I was still going pretty strong and felt awesome. I couldn't believe how much easier those first 3 miles felt compared to a 5k. I had never felt that good running. So I kept going strong. Of course, I am pretty slow at running. My fast pace is 11 minute miles. Because I don't run with a timer, I had no clue how fast I was going, but fast for me is still slow for most runners, so being passed is nothing new to me. Still, at around mile 4, the person passing me took me by surprise. It was JAY! Apparently, he was waiting at the porta potties for his friend so they could start together. But, unbeknownst to him, she started while he was still in one, so he was the very last person to start the race, by like 15 minutes! After a quick hug, he too was off like a bullet from a gun.
  At some point I could hear a rattle snake. But I never saw one and just assumed that little devils were terrified of all the runners that came before me and were staying away. I am glad that I didn't see the (hopefully!) dead snakes my husband did or else I would have sprinted to the nearest watering station, climbed up the tallest person, and begged to be taken indoors and tranquilized. Where there are dead snakes, there are probably some live ones... AUGH!!!!!!! No one wants a DNF because of snakes.
   The miles were coming fast. At some point I stating thinking "I have never ran this far without stopping. Maybe I should walk so I don't over-tire myself." But I also wanted to see what I was really made of, so I kept going. Mile 5 passed. Mile 6 passed. By the time we entered a part at Mile 7, I was thinking that I felt so good I could go the whole race this way! We entered a ritzy subdivision around mile 8 and there was some great joy in making a couple of snobby people in their Range Rovers wait for me to cross the road. I considered walking to just really make their day. Hey, when you have been running 2 hours, you start thinking evil thoughts.
  At mile 9 I met a lady that told me she had been pacing me the whole race. We ran together for a mile and talked about our running pasts. But, by mile 10, I was starting to feel the run. I took an energy fruit snack at the watering station hoping it would give me what I needed to finish. The gel I had at mile 6.5 was helping, but I was starting to feel nasty. I knew I just had to dig deep and keep going. By mile 11, I was getting tummy cramps. I knew I was in the home stretch and I could make it. But I was also starting to panic about the fact that I was in a park and I couldn't see a bathroom anywhere. I met another runner at this time who helped push me to the end. Still, my tummy was getting worse and I was forced to walk, even more than my legs wanted too. I wanted to finish strong. I wanted to break 3 hours. But, my tummy was saying no.
  Then it happened. I ran into some race officials going over the bridge into the finishing line park that assured me the finish line was near. I was running when I met them and they yelled that I was almost done. At the other end of the bridge was my sister-in-law waiting for her own husband and daughter to pass by. She yelled for me and I was able to run a little faster. Then I saw the last turn that leads to the finish line and started sprinting, because the sooner I got there, the sooner I could go to the bathroom. Then I saw it: the race clock. It was at 2:56! I could make it under 3 hours! I really took off then. I then saw all my family waiting for me and yelling and I couldn't help but scream as I passed the finish line "I BROKE 3 HOURS!!!!!"
  My yelling amused everyone around. I got my medal and stumbled out of the race corrals into Mark's waiting arms where I started sobbing. I had done it. I was a half marathoner! Nothing other than the birth of my children had felt better. Mark, completely shocked at my reaction, worried I had gone nuts. I still haven't trained him that sometimes girls cry when they are happy too.
  My official time was 2:56:30. Mark's was 2:08:51. We are both extremely happy at those times. We are also so very thankful for all our family that came to the race. We had quite the group there with my parents, Mark's mom, Mark's aunt and uncle, Addison, and my brother's family. It is so nice to know we have so many people who love and support us. I am also so thankful to all the wonderful people who supported me through Facebook and texts. Josh was the first to see how we did. He was running the Ogden Half, but based on the crappy weather he had, I know that he wanted even more to have been with us. I love each and every one of you. Thank you all!

Showing Isabel our medal. The little duck is just like the one we buried her with and we call it Isaduck. It ran with me in my pouch so I would have that reminder that Isabel was with me. 

   On our way back home yesterday, we were able to visit our daughter again. This time, I was able to lay my medal down on her headstone with Isaduck. I run for her, but I run for me too. I could feel her there my whole run. Every time the running got hard, my music would change to a her song or another encouraging song. I know she was there, pushing me forward, keeping the snakes away. I couldn't have asked for a better run.
  For more pictures of our awesome running adventure, you are going to have to go here.

Conversations With The Fat Girl

  Whenever I feel gloomy, or am bored, or I just need a good laugh, I turn to my favorite book, Conversations with the Fat Girl by Liza Palmer. Reading this book has always made me feel like maybe Liza (yes, I call her by her first name, we are BFFs like that) followed me around and commented on my life.  I completely identify with the main character, Maggie, and her inability to take herself seriously despite accomplishing huge things like getting a masters degree, being uncomfortable with doing nothing to change the things in her life that she dislikes, and being unable to give up on people that don't care about her. I read it and learn something new about myself every time.
   Lately I have been thinking a lot about my favorite novel. I think about it during all my recent bad runs and wonder why I give up on myself so easily. If, like Maggie, I am not happy with who I am now, why am I not pushing to change who I am? Two weeks of bad runs create a lot of time to beat up on one's self.
   Then, as if bad runs were enough to make me feel like a giant loser, Mike Jeffries had to go and open his big mouth. Admittedly, I have always hated Abercrombie & Fitch. I'm not into the half naked model thing. Or the store's smell. And their clothes are the same thing you can get at any other store in the mall, usually for half the price.  But as I read his 2006 Salon interview, my inner middle school girl crumbled a little inside. It was like he was calling ME out, right now. After a few days of calming down about it, I thought about something Maggie said:

"I have never stood up for myself. I've never made myself visible. My enemy has always had the ultimate weapon: They might call me fat. Or so I thought. I thought if I fought back the insults would multiply, and so would the insulters. But no one is laughing at me. No one gives the girl at the window high fives for calling a spade a spade. Instead, I said what I had to say. If I'd known this earlier, maybe I would have lived by another code. 

But I know it now." (p. 176)

   While I am not going to attack Mr. Jeffries for saying what he said, I am also not going to let what he said define me. Sure, I can't fit into A&F clothing, but I have never wanted to wear their clothing before, so why be sad I can't now? I am freaking amazing now. I have given birth to two beautiful daughters. Even though I have pretty complicated pregnancies, my body gave me the wonderful gift of motherhood. I don't need clothes to feel good about my body. I just need to look at my daughters.

   I am also running my first half marathon on Saturday. How many people can say that? I realized just recently that I don't take myself very seriously. I never treated myself like the athlete I am. There is no way you can train this much and not be an athlete. Still, I failed to see that. But I know it now.

   I may not be an A&F size 10 or smaller. I may not be able to model in a bikini to sale jeans to some kid that is using clothing to gain self esteem. But I am pretty damn good the way I am, and that is enough. 

The Last Long Run

   Well, we finally reached the last long run Mark and I needed to do until our taper weeks for our half marathon. Honestly, when my friend Jay convinced us to do the half in February, I never thought we would actually get to this point in our training. Me? Run 10 miles? A half marathon? I don't think so.
   But we did run our 10 miles on Saturday. And it was pretty great, actually. Luckily for us, my parents were able to come take care of our newly potty trained Addison so we could run potty break free. This is better for Mark, since he pushes her in the stroller. And after Thursday's pee pee accident while we were running, her staying closer to a bathroom was necessary.  So we are grateful to my parents for all of their support and help in watching her twice so we could get in a long run stroller, and cranky toddler free.
  As for the run, we started running right before a trail  relay race took off a mile behind us. We were less than a fourth mile into our run before the first runner zoomed passed us. I am used to people running past me at, what seems to me, great speeds, but this was new for Mark. I could tell by the shock on his face as he turned back to look at me that the person in first, did in fact, run like the wind. By the time I got to the first road, a half mile in, 4 runners had passed me. By the next half mile, the first women runners started passing me.
   There was something about running with the racers that made my running much easier. It was like I was one of them and we were all in this together. At about 2.5 miles, a runner passed me and said "It's only 6 and a half miles. We are going to crush this!" I thought, to bad I only have 3.5 miles more to go after that. But still, I ran further than I ever had until I had to take my first walking/drinking break. In fact, that was my whole run, I was able to run longer than I ever had before and take fewer breaks further apart. Soon the turn around point came and I was able to eat a little snack of fruit snacks to get me back home. I was then passing the last few racers and give them each encouragement as they were ending the end of their run.
  There is something about other runners acknowledging you as you run that makes your run easier. I think of it as Running Karma. You say "Morning" or "Hey" or "Keep Going" to another runner and you have a good morning and can keep going. By the 6 mile mark, all the trail runners were past me and I was forced to keep going without the race feeling in my running. But I was feeling great. My legs weren't that tired yet and I was in a pretty good mood still. I soon made it all the way back to our car, meeting Mark who had ran 11 miles in just under 2 hours. Sometimes his speed and athleticism makes me so green with envy, I can't even see straight.
   My time was 2:10. I didn't break the 2 hour mark like I wanted to, but I was forced to wait at two stoplights and several intersections, which I am pretty sure hurt my time. It is hard to get back into pace when you had to stand at a street corner for a couple of minutes. But I don't care. I was so happy that I made it! And I felt awesome. I can't wait for May 18. It isn't coming fast enough for me.

  For those of you (me!me!) who need motivation, here is the best I have found... Thanks Josh for pointing this out to me.  

Why My Feet Hurt

   I ran 9 miles for the first time Saturday.  The run was rough. We do an out and back run. All the way out is on an incline. Usually the first half of our run is terrible for me. The incline is really rough on my calves, and I usually have to walk a little bit each half mile just to regain leg strength. Well, for that and to get a drink. I still can't drink and run. But this run wasn't like that. I was making pretty good time and my legs felt great. Then the physical wall hit.
   I was at about 4 miles and was almost to Mark and out of nowhere I started dry heaving and seriously thought I was going to throw up. Then I got stomach cramps, which makes running easier. I met up with Mark and ate some fruit roll up for the return trip. I felt a little better, but I wasn't back to comfortable running until around mile 6. That really was a time suck because I was forced to walk way more than I would have liked.
   Then I hit about mile 6 and was able to run for the next 1 1/2 miles. It was pretty much amazing. I also learned some things about my body. For instance, my toes go numb when running that far. I have to flex them every .25 miles. I also learned that I shrug my shoulders to my ears when the going gets tough. The problem is, the going is all rough when you are running that far for me. So I had to keep telling myself to relax the top half of my body. And when I would, my running was easier. So those are all good lessons to have learned.
   Then I hit my worst mental wall I have ever hit as I completed 7.5 miles. I was tired. My feet were KILLING me (thank you plantar fasciitis, a recently sprained ankle, and running that far). My back started cramping. My stomach problems came back. And then I was mentally exhausted. I wanted to cry. I wanted to call Mark to come get me (he was finished running by then), but didn't have my phone to do it. All I could do was continue on or I couldn't go home. I could no longer run. I was miserable. I started really regretting paying for the half marathon that is now less than 3 weeks away. How could I ever run 13.1? I hate running! I never want to do it ever again.
   This was the lowest I have ever been when running. I have hit mental walls before. It has always just been about that run, meaning mad I couldn't keep going or that I wasn't faster or that I was tired before I even began running. I have never thought that I should quite running before or that the next run wouldn't be better. That was all new to me. I totally understand what the running world means by running being a mental game now. With only a half mile left and after Mark caught up to me, I decided this was the end of my pity party. I ran again. I ran past the hip pain, past the sore and tired feet and legs. I ran past the stomach cramps. I ran past the pulsing in my lower body making me want to faint and throw up. I just ran. And I finished in 2:15. Was it a good time? No. Am I happy with the time? No. Did I learn anything during this run? YES!
   I pretty much was in pain all weekend. It turns out my hip was out, thus the hip pain. My feet still hurt. Still, I am determined to do better this weekend on my 10 mile run. I really would like to finish at about 2 hours, so I am going to learn the lesson of this run to help make that happen, I hope.

Race #2: The Salt Lake City Marathon

   There was a lot of talk last week, post Boston Marathon, about the Salt Lake City Marathon. Could Salt Lake keep the runners safe? How can the race honor Boston on such short notice? How can the racers honor Boston? Thanks to social media, racers organized to wear green for the race. The race organizers got a large banner that all the racers could sign that was sent to Boston. And the race was as secure as could be. In fact, the race was so awesome, even BuzzFeed had to cover it. Seriously, the article is so worth the read. Even Josh got a picture mention.

   The race was amazing, even in the cold and pouring rain. Mark, Addison, and I were decked out in green and ready to race, but wasn't as ready for the weather. However, by the time we stared lining up for the race (5k again for us), the excitement from all the other racers and the general feeling of running this one for Boston took over. The race started for us 5k runners with the opening to the song "Sweet Caroline," a race opener for Boston. We were running by the end of the first verse and, despite the race promising we would all sing along, I was the only one singing. I am sure I cheered up all the old ladies watching the race. I got several thumbs up for knowing the words. 

  As soon as I was out of earshot of the music, I put in my earphones and began dodging and weaving all the slower racers. Although they told us to line up based on speed, some people didn't get the memo. And because we ran with Addison in tow, us parents with strollers had to start in the back. It took Mark and I almost a mile to pass all the people that SHOULD have been behind us. Of course, Mark took off like a shot from a gun, so by the half mile mark, I couldn't see him anymore. Either he was way ahead of me by then OR the pouring rain, that I was now running right into, blocked my view of him. By the mile mark, the clock said I was 12:25 into the race. This was not a good pace if I wanted to break the 35 minute 5k (I was really hoping for a sub-30 race, but knew that wasn't going to happen), so I picked up the pace. Just then Isabel's song came on and I knew she was there with me, pushing me on. Which worked really well. The clock read 22:31 when I ran past it at the 2 mile mark. And I knew I wasn't going to make it under the 30 minute mark, but I could be close, so I speed up a little heading to the long stretch back to Liberty park. Then, it happened. The last mile was all uphill! Half way up I started feeling that pulsing throughout my lower body that means I am going to quit whether I want to or not. I kept pushing and I talking to Isabel telling her how I want to finish this strong for her and for Boston. Just as I was pleading my hardest, two things happened. First, a great song came on that makes you forget how hard running can be. Then I was passed by a woman that was cheering everyone on she encountered. We ran with each other a bit, cheering and screaming. By the time we entered the park I knew I was going to finish this strong, maybe even before the 35 minute mark as I had hoped. The last turn came and I focused as hard as I could on the finish line and clock running faster and faster. Still, despite all my efforts, I came in at just over 36 minutes. Yes, I took 5 minutes off my first race, but didn't hit the mark I wanted. Still, I wasn't disappointed. I just ran as hard as I could in the pouring rain and cold. I was drenched and cold. And I did it with ALL of my family. How could you not be happy with that?

  After getting our pictures taken and collecting all the food we could possibly take, we headed for our car to dry off and get warm. Remember how we ran with Addison? She was cold and started to let us know about it. But after stripping her down to her dry clothes and giving her a banana and bag of pretzels, she cheered right back up to her normal self, excited about her morning adventures. Mark said she had a great time during their run. 

  When fueled up and dried off, we headed back out to get a massage and watch Josh finish the half. However, our awesome massage therapist took extra time on us because, in her words, we needed a lot of attention, and we missed Josh completely. But while Mark was getting his massage, I was watching all the half runners, completely green with envy. I never thought I would think this, but we were ready for a half. We probably should have ran it, but May 18th is marching up pretty fast. 

   Despite the weather, the race was awesome. And, by the way, my official race time was 34:55! I forgot to take off the minute whatever off my finish time because, being the last of the pack, we didn't cross the start line as soon as the clocks all started. Mark finished in 29:23. How could you not be happy with that?

The Race in Pictures

 Staying warm before heading out to the start line.

Addison decked out in green with her green piggy ribbons. 

 Waiting for the starting gun.

 The crowd filling in to start running

The 5k start and all the races finish line. 

My handsome man ready to run. 

Let's GO! 

 Running through the streets of SLC.

 Running in the rain.

 The last uphill until the park finish. It was almost a mile.

Drying off and refueling post race. 

 My first race bib.

 Addison had a great time going from the back seat to the front seat. Which is good. IT took us an hour to warm back up and dry off our jackets. She is such a ham.

   Cuddle Time!

Running For Boston

  Since the events in Boston on Monday, the running world has been going crazy.  First of all, the next big marathon in the US will be held in Salt Lake City, and I happen to be running the 5k. So of course, everyone is trying to figure out a way to honor Boston AND step up security for the race. Enter my friend Josh who happened to mention that we runners should wear green to show support for the whole town of Boston. His suggestion not only inspired all the runners who like the Salt Lake City Marathon on Facebook, but got national attention from Huffington Post yesterday. This article then got him mass attention here in Utah and he then got interviewed for the 10 PM news by 2 local channels, KSL and KUTV. At least I get to say that I knew this thoughtful guy before he made it big.

If you are going to be at or run in this race, please wear green to show your support of Boston.

 Then, nationally speaking, runners were asked to run a run for Boston yesterday. I did my 3 mile training run thinking about the guy that fell down when the blast went off by the finish line. Every time I see that, I feel horrible for him. For some reason, that image of him falling epitomizes what happened in Boston has a whole. So I ran with him, and the whole town in mind.  I hope all of you either ran yesterday, or will go out and run for Bean Town.

  Then, there was this last night... http://www.nbcnews.com/id/26315908/ns/msnbc_tv-rachel_maddow_show/vp/51564543/#51564543 Please take the time to watch Rachel Maddow completely describe the running culture and talk about how marathons can be safer. As a runner, I loved every moment of this segment. Oh, and if you haven't read the article she discusses with Amby Burfoot, you should. It is amazing.
 

Praying For Boston

   I watched the Boston Marathon today in utter dismay at how FAST they all are. The winners ran the full marathon in a goal time of mine for a half marathon. And I cried, because that is what I do when I see such superior athleticism in any sport. Then, just a couple of hours later, the 2 explosions happened. I watched in dismay all over again. I think the only thing I can really say about it is summed up in this picture.

What Happens When People Don't Pick Up Their Mess...

   I am officially 1 month and 3 days from my half marathon and 5 days from the Salt Lake 5k, making every run even more important. So you can  imagine my frustration when on Friday I tripped over the shop vac Mark left out and twisted my ankle. While the injury wasn't that bad it did make me unable to run my 8 mile run on Saturday. And last week was a terrible running week already. We missed a run and the other run went horribly. After rectifying some of my problems, such as always being tired due to a vitamin D and B12 deficiency which was fixed with a new supplement increase, the real problem was that I just needed a good run to make me forget the bad one. And the twisted ankle hasn't helped anything. But I also know that I can't have a lifetime of running if I don't take care of myself now. So, for this run at least, I am trading a wrapped up foot, ice, and a good movie for my running shoes. I will be back next week.

Scenes From The Running Trail

The view of a trail needing conquered (well, at least 7 miles of it, this time anyway).

   Last week was not a great week in running for Mark and I. The difference between last week and every other week in running was that we started level 3 of Ripped in 30. AND IT IS HARD. Jillian pounds your legs, specifically your calves. And while eventually this will be really great for our running, sore calves+running= ouch! OUCH! OUCH! I was forced to walk during our shorter weekday runs because of the searing pain. But surely Saturday's run would be better because we would have Friday off from both Jillian AND running, allowing our legs a much needed rest. Right?

Addison getting strapped in for a great run in her new jogging stroller.

 Dressed for success with friends in tow.

   And it was a better run, sort of. The first half is mostly on an incline, some parts steeper than others. And already sore legs+incline= more ouch! By the time I met Mark coming near the half way mark, I was seriously thinking about asking him to go get the car and come get me because I couldn't imagine making the 3.5 mile journey back. And because I had walked probably a half a mile already, I knew this wasn't going to be a pretty running time. I started wishing I had gone to support Josh in his half marathon instead of trying to run today. But, I knew I would be mad at myself if I didn't try, so I kept going. The return trip is, of course, downhill, so I decided to run for just a song then I would walk for a song all the way back. But because it was downhill, my legs were doing much better. Sure, they were still tired, but they weren't screaming with pain anymore. So At the end of the first song, I decided to make it to the next road. Then when I made it there, I decided to shoot for the next road. Somewhere in that section I crossed paths with a woman who said "Yay! Running! Keep it up!" So I did.
   Minus a small amount of walking to get a drink (not even going to try to learn to run and drink. It has always been a disaster for me), I ran the whole way back. I ran even when my side started hurting with just over a half a mile to go. I made it back to the finish in 1 hr. 38 min., just 8 minutes over my target time. And that was with all that walking in the first half! I must have been hauling on the way back.
  You know what makes running great. The other runners. I get encouragement to keep going with every smile, nod, good morning, or even, in this case, the words of one very inspired runner. And when running got easier, I was able to think about things and I had so many ah ha! moments, I couldn't count them all. Running teaches you so much about yourself you never could learn any other way. I can't wait to go again.

Running, the best drug ever.

A Few of MY Favorite (Running) Things Spring 2013

  Yesterday was a terrible, not so good, painful run. It was my last 2 mile run I will do while training for my half marathon and I really wanted to rock it out. But, that just wasn't the way it went.  We started level 3 of Ripped in 30 yesterday, and as Jillian says, she isn't mean, she is just creative. By mid-afternoon yesterday, I knew it wasn't going to be an epic run. My back cramped, my legs hurt, and I was tired. By the time Mark go home, I was still holding on to the last shred of hope that I would run those 2 miles with some dignity and no cussing. It didn't happen.
   By the end of mile 1, I knew I would have to walk. My calf cramped, my thighs were killing me. I walked a little, then ran only to have more cramping and pain. My back, not to be outdone by my feet, started cramping also. I ended up running about 1.75 miles. After such a terrible run, I started lamenting to Mark how we should just quit Jillian. She is nuts, I said. She is out to kill me. I hate her! Then we went home to more charely horses and tired legs. Not my best run or run day.
   Today, I partook in round 2 of Jillian. She still killed me. But, I also must admit, she is making me stronger and more ripped. I guess I can't fault her for delivering on her promise. Then, as I sat on my sore bum to Facebook before Addison awoke, I stumbled on Josh's blog entry about his favorite things about running. After reading his impressive list, I knew right then and there I needed to focus on what I love about running. So here in no particular order is my favorite things about running so far this spring.

• Time away from Addison. I love her, but every mom needs to miss their child a little to love them more.
• Being able to just focus on me and my thoughts for a while. There are no dishes or laundry during your run.
• Spending time thinking of Isabel. I honestly feel like she is closest to me while I run.
• Being outside.
  
• Old running shoes (left) that show every mile you ran.
• New running shoes (well, newer, on the right) so full of running promise.
• That feeling you get when you hit your pace and feel like you can go for miles and miles.
• Going miles and miles.
• When your new favorite running song comes on just as you hit the half way mark in your run.
• Saturday runs when all the other runners are out nodding that knowing nod at you. Makes me run longer and happier every time.
• Being in the beginning of a half marathon training schedule.
• Being in the middle of a half marathon training schedule.
• Realizing that you too can run 13.1 miles if you had too. And, trust me, I want too.
• Counting down the days until your running season starts (17 until the SLC 5k!).
• Running with your sweetheart. I love every moment of watching him run faster, further, and happier than I do. Seriously.
• A new running playlist. I still get surprised by the best songs we picked.
• Personal pep talks during hard runs. I still learn so much about myself every mile I run.
• Finding new people who want to join in my running journey. I wish everyone I knew ran!

   I am sure I could list 100 more things, but this is the best of the best, for right now. Sure, it isn't always easy running, but I love it. What keeps you running? What do you love best?

10K In The Books

   Saturday was officially the longest length I have ever ran. I ran a 10K, or 6.2 miles. Because my short runs have been so bad that week, I was terrified what Saturday's run would look like. And my parents were here, so we had to hurry so we could go to Salt Lake for a Jazz game and a day of fun. I tried warning them I might take a while to run it. And I was worried. But I don't think I needed to worry.
   I ran a 10K in 1 hr. 15 min., which is about 12 minute miles. YAY!!! To a fast runner, this is a terrible time. Some people can almost run a 5K in my mile time. But to me, this is great! And according to the race predictor, this shows my half marathon time to be around 2 hr. 50 min., which means I can stay under 3 hours like I want. And I am figuring out the right way to fuel before a run and during, which makes running easier and more enjoyable.

Oh Ripped in 30, How I Hate/Love You

 
   So are you already know, Mark and I are doing Ripped in 30 Monday-Thursday as well as running on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. That means 2 workouts on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Last Tuesday we started level 2 of Ripped. It is hard. It is trying. I ended up cussing and throwing my weights down and walking away (and yes, I use 5 pound weights, so it was a THUNK! of a day). That was the start of my rough week. My run was actually pretty good that night, running through bad times is starting to become a hobby of mine. But, you can't do Jillian if you hate yourself. It is too hard and you will give up. Just like I did last Tuesday. And Wednesday.
   Today was day 5 on level 2 (we are doing 7 days on each level). It is better. There are still some moves I just can't do. But I sure do try. And you know what? I can see a difference in my body. My arms are looking a lot more muscular. My legs are getting more ripped. And my back hurts, which is a sign it is getting a good workout. Do I love these workouts like I did the Shred? No. Am I getting better visual results? Yep. You decided which is better.
   Running is going well, ish anyway. Last week was a level off week and my 3 mile Saturday run was awful. Today's 2 mile run wasn't great either. At least I had an excuse today. I didn't eat or drink anything for 6 hours before the run. Not smart. I guess there is no such thing as a bad run as long as you learn the lesson of why it was a bad run, right? The Salt Lake City 5K is now less than a month away and the YMCA Famous Idaho Potato Marathon is less than 2 months away. While I hope to have a PR at the 5K (which shouldn't be hard to beat 41 minutes), I am more worried about the 13.1 mile run. I just hope that it is a great running day and I figure out how to fuel my body by then.

Running for Isabel

   After we lost Isabel and was forced to go on with our lives, all anybody could say to us was that we were so strong. Mark and I would look at each other and think "THIS is strong?" We didn't feel strong. We weren't strong. All we were doing was going through the motions that society said we have to go through to get through life. And even then we weren't doing that great of a job. Our house was a mess, with dishes piling up for a week or even longer before one of us was forced to spend the 4 hours doing them. We had Isabel's pictures all over our living room floor where we were slowly making her scrapbook pages. We never dusted. The only time our clothes got washed was when we ran out of everything, and even then we just pulled what we needed from the drier until we were forced to pull the rest out to put a new load in. I couldn't function well around others. How dare everyone else keep living? And that was just the first few numb months.
  Around the time Isabel would have been 4 months old, the numb began to wear off and the anger set in. And boy howdy, did I get angry. How dare my damn body do this! How dare my doctors not do more to get her here alive! How dare people not stop everything because I couldn't function! And the worst offenders, how dare people tell me anything religious concerning Isabel! I consider myself quite religious, but not in the traditional LDS sense. I don't feel like it is important to go to love Relief Society and find it comfort enough that we will all be together again one day. While I recognize that Isabel was too special to be here with us, I also don't understand why Mark and I have to be tested like this. And finding comfort around people that insisted I should rejoice when I don't feel like rejoicing was hard. I began to question people, "If someone killed your kid today, would you really find comfort in the fact that you kid doesn't have to be tried anymore???" Yeah, I didn't make friends or influence people.
   But I learned a lot about the people around me at that time too. My real friends never gave me all the religious platitudes that obviously were hurting Mark and I. They were there, even if that meant staying on the phone when all I could do was sob uncontrollably.  They never questioned why I couldn't go to church and sit through church talks about other peoples "trials" and watch women who pop out kids like most people change their shoes. All they did was hug me and keep me safe at a time when I couldn't and wasn't functioning. Because I wasn't.
   Most people assured us when I got pregnant again that everything would get better. But losing Addison's twin and our doctor putting us in constant fear that something was wrong with me or Addison didn't help anything. And while holding my newborn healthy baby laid to rest all my fears of Addison dying, it brought to the surface all the loss I still felt from Isabel. I found myself crying while I nursed Addison because I never could nurse Isabel. I laid awake at night sometimes just watching Addison to make sure she would live through the night. And as I saw my body post pregnancy 2 in 2 years, I started to hate my body even more. I couldn't love it for everything it was doing right, like being Addison's only food source, I could only focus on how stupid it was for making me lose 2 babies to get one here.
   One very late night while nursing Addison, I found the Insanity infomercial. In my groggy, just had a baby a couple of weeks ago state, I thought I could punish my body like that. I really thought that maybe it I worked it to hell, I could punish it for being such a piece of crap. That was just where I was mentally. Luckily, a new baby meant we had no money to buy the workout video. But eventually, I felt ready to do SOMETHING. So I came up with a new idea inspired by my friend Josh, we could run a 5k! I mentioned a way that I could run, then Mark could run to train. Mark was a no go. So I tried to run on my own. And after a few weeks, I too gave up. It is no fun to train alone.
  Then we moved to Orem. We moved right next to a running path and our marathon training friend Ryan. AND, we moved right in the middle of running heaven. There is a race somewhere in the area almost every weekend. And while I still wasn't a runner, I could walk. So I started a walking program. And I talked to Ryan and Josh who both said there was no reason we couldn't run. Then I started. Then Mark started. We worked together. And while all this was going on, I still was struggling with being a mother. How can you be a mother to a baby that isn't there? I still hated my body because I was now realizing that even though Addison was healthy, I couldn't lose two more babies to get another one here. So we ran. We started going to races our friends were in and got inspired to train for a half marathon taking place in December.
  Then we moved, again. This time, we were not by friends, or a nice running trail, but we kept trucking. Then I got sick. After being down two months, I got plantar fasciitis. It soon became apparent that I just couldn't train enough for the race. So instead of running the race, we sat on the sidelines cheering on Josh. And I carried around guilt that I promised myself and Isabel that I would run the race for her.
  Then Josh and I had a long chat on the way home from Vegas. He reminded me that losing weight has nothing to do with the weight. It is about fixing all the stuff that got you fat in the first place. It was Isabel's message to me that I could no longer eat myself to death. I wasn't going to feel better by eating, so do what made me feel better, which was running and exercise. So the next day, I started again. Do I stumble? Yes. Is it hard? Yes. Am I worth it? Isabel thinks so.
   Today as I was checking Facebook, I found this and it stopped me in my tracks. Yes, this could just be about running through the physical discomfort that comes from running. But for me, it is about going even when we don't want to anymore. And even though this picture brought up some painful memories, it also shows me how much I have learned about grief and myself through the simple act of running. So, run on!

Five Miles

   I have dreaded today for a while. Like for 4 weeks. And the reason why I have dreaded to day is because  the last time I was training for a half marathon, we made it to the 5 mile run, which I ended up run/walking, then I got sick and hurt my foot, making me unable to run the half I was going to run. There was something about that 5 miler. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. And today we were supposed to run 5 again.
   As you may have already read, this week has been a terrible week in running. The same illness that sidelined me for so long last training struck again this week. But, because I knew what it was, I was able to get it treated faster this time (last time I was sick for 2 months!). Now I am feeling better, but because of some necessary diet changes, I wasn't running well. There just wasn't enough carbs in my diet. But yesterday we tweaked that and ate pasta for dinner and a smoothie for breakfast. Boy, what a change that made! The last couple of runs have been only 2 milers and I was not able to run them straight. Today, minus the time it took me to drink water and Poweraid (I can't run and drink. Too klutzy!), I ran the whole 5 miles! Up hills and everything. I was giggling like a school girl at the end.
   I am not going to lie and tell you it was easy. It wasn't. But there is a huge difference in running fueled and running on empty. Today was totally a mind game. I knew my body could go farther, so it was easier to tell my head that I could do it. The last couple of runs have been a physical impossibility, making them mentally draining as well. Diet really is everything while running.

   In case you were wondering about the trail we run on, here is the running route we do. http://www.runningmap.com/

UGH!

   So this week hasn't been a great week in training for me. I had some health problems reemerge, making me change my diet. Basically, I am supposed to try and be gluten and sugar free. Completely. Which means no fruit. No whole wheat tortillas. Nothing in my oatmeal. Just meat and veggies. Hopefully this diet thing will be short lived and I can go back to my afternoon apple and morning banana or orange.
   The result of the diet change has been a unhappy me. I don't want to eat because I feel like there is nothing too eat. I apparently am leaning on fruit a lot. I did get some gluten free, organic brown rice cakes (which are YUMMY, by the way) and that was all I ate basically one day, because it was what I could eat. Unfortunately, rice cakes are not the right kind fuel you need to do Jillian and running. I thought Tuesday night's run was tough (only 2 miles and I had to walk probably 200 yards, which is more than the 0 yards I would normally need). Then I was too sore and not feeling well enough to do Jillian yesterday. Then I did Jillian this morning, but tonight's run was HORRIBLE. We were supposed to go 2 miles again today and I honestly felt like I had cement on my feet. I had to walk multiple times. I started crying. It was bad. I know everyone has a bad workout, the next one will be good, blah blah blah, but this was bad.
   And I now feel bad about myself. Why does my body protest so much? Why is this so hard for me? I am tired of getting sick and injured. Why is it always happening to me? Why has this change in diet now equaled a weight loss? UGH!

   

Half Marathon Training + Ripped in 30= ?

   We are just over 2 months away from our first half marathon and 2 weeks into our heavy training. Last week we ran 8 miles, this week it will be 9. On Tuesdays and Thursdays we do 2 or 3 mile runs at Riverton Park where there is a running trail. This running trail contains a hill from hell. The going down is gradual and fun, but the uphill part is a very steep incline of just a couple of yards. Luckily Mark pushes Addison, or I would never make it up the hill. And because the path is only 1/2 mile, we hit it 4-6 times a run. I just keep thinking, "Only 20 more runs on the hill until the half. Only 20 more runs on the hill until the half."  I know, hill training is very important because it builds your strength faster and blah, blah, blah, but I still am against hills.
   I learned a couple of weeks ago that I love sprinting and speed drills. Turns out all my skills lie in running really fast for a short period of time. And now that the snow is gone, we can also do that once a week on the grass where I am a lot less likely to hurt my foot anymore that I already have. Mark doesn't like them, but he has no problems with endurance, so it is a give and take on that point for us.
   We do our long weekend runs on Denver and Rio Grande Western Rail Trail. It is the huge paved trail that runs from Roy, UT to the Draper, UT area and changes names a million times. It is perfect for longer runs because it is mostly flat, only slight inclines and declines. And you can easily go for miles and miles and miles due to it's length. We did 4 miles this weekend. I ran most of it, Mark ran all of it. For some reason, four miles seemed an eternity this weekend. But we got it done and even bad training runs are better than sitting on the couch.
  We are doing all of this as well as Ripped in 30, which we just started last Wednesday.  We do it Monday-Thursday in the mornings before Mark goes to work and run at night. Running long distances can actually take away muscle mass, so it is important to get in strength training. And the stronger you are, the longer you are supposed to be able to run. Anything that helps me with endurance, I am all for. We will be doing Ripped until the end of April. I lost 18.5 inches on 30 Day Shred, so I am hoping for big loses on Ripped too. Swimming suit season is almost upon us, even if we will be too busy running to enjoy it.

The Results of the Shred Challenge

   As you may know, Mark and I took on the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Micheals. We did the program as she recommended, doing her workout 4 days a week and cardio 2 days a week, taking Sunday off. Doing the video this way, it took us 7 1/2 weeks to complete. The videos are posted, for free, on Youtube, making this a great workout for anyone on any budget, as long as you own weights already (we were able to pick up another pair of 3 pound weights for $2 at a DI!).
   This is a total Jillian Micheals video. She will yell at you. She will kick your butt. Make no mistake, you will work harder in these 20 minute videos than you do normally in an hour at the gym, but the results were AWESOME for me. I ended up losing 14.8 pounds and 18.5 inches total. I feel like that is AMAZING for 7 1/2 weeks of work!

Before pictures taken in Las Vegas on November 30-December 2

This one makes me really cringe! 

 After pictures taken last week at the Jazz game

 My face looks much slimmer. Mark says I am "deflating". 

  We will be starting Ripped in 30 on Wednesday. I am hoping for even better results.

One Year and Three Days

   March 1st was my one year anniversary of when I started running. I may have only ran one 5K and have had shin splints and am currently battling plantar fasciitis, but I love running. I didn't always like it. Heck, there are still days I don't like it. But there is nothing I have found that gives me that sense of accomplishment like a run. Just being able to say my body did that is the best feeling ever. But it has taken a lot of tears and tries to get to where I am today.

   One year ago, I was doing walking workouts with Leslie Sansone  (go to her website for awesome workouts and inspiration to start your own fitness journey) and all of our friends were talking about the Salt Lake City Marathon they were training for. I told my friend Josh that I hated running and that I would never run a race. He said that he had once hated running, but if you keep trying, you will fall in love with it. Then our other friend, Ryan, told me "You know you are a runner, even if you only run one step." Something about that gave me the courage to try. I decided to run in place during the marching parts of Leslie's videos. Watching me do that inspired Mark to start a few days later. Then we started going to the running path at the Orem Hospital and trying to run even longer. At first we couldn't even run 1/4 a mile, but we kept trying. Our goal was to run a whole mile by April 1. We reached our goal just in time for me to get shin splints and Mark to hurt his knees. After a week off and new shoes for Mark, we started again hoping to reach 2 miles by May 1. We ran our first 2 whole miles a few days after the deadline, but then I was able to run a 5K distance a week after that! All of these gains were made amid us relocating AGAIN to Ogden. We moved where their wasn't any running paths, but we still headed across the street to Ogden Weber Tech. to run their  campus. 

   Then it happened. I got plantar fasciitis and I quit running for 5 months.I also gained 15 pounds. My foot never really improved and I was convinced that I would never get to run again. But then I eased back into Leslie and found my foot actually felt so much better if I actually did work out. A month later, and some awesome new running shoes, I was back to running. I ran my first 5K race a week later. Crazy? Yes! Awesome YES! That race really changed how I see my body. Despite any problems I might have, I still have the ability to run. I that is what I am going to do.

   I am now training, again, for a half marathon. We are 11 weeks out and I am FREAKING. I haven't ran over 4 miles since we started running again and what if I can't get myself up to 13.1? What if I come in dead last?  I am really nervous today, so I have turned to Pinterest to help motivate me. So here is some of the wonderful things I have found...

Trust me!

And of course...

   I hope that these were as motivating to you as they were to me. 

RSV and My Birthday

  Happy Late Valentine's Day, everyone! We had a wonderful day, minus Addison having RSV. She was diagnosed Wednesday and it has been a long terrible week with her being sick. Daddy brought it home with him, then Addison got it, and wouldn't you know it, I got it next. Luckily, I got it the weekend AFTER my birthday. YAY? At least I wasn't sick for my birthday, again.
  I knew I was going to get it too, because yesterday while going for our first outdoor run in a couple of weeks, I felt horrible before I even got a mile in. I pieced together another mile, then walked the third. I was hoping to run 4, but what can you do?
   I did have a great birthday, minus the sick baby. Mark took Valentines Day off (which is my birthday) and watched Addison so I could go to the salon and get a haircut, manicure and pedicure. Basically, it was my own personal heaven. He also got me flowers and we got takeout to eat at home with candle light while Addison happily watched Sesame Street recordings. Oh! And did I mention my husband made me chocolate dipped strawberries rolled in an assortment of candies? Yeah, I have the best husband ever!

Yeah, be jealous! They were YUMMY.

   I hope everyone had a great holiday and will be starting out next week on a great foot. We are starting Level 3 of The Shred, so be praying for me! ;) Hopefully my sick self can handle the burn.

Addison's Birthday Party

    I know I usually talk about what fitness goals I am trying to accomplish, but I have to brag a little about my Pintrest worthy party I just threw for Addison's 2nd birthday. I am not a crafty person. Scratch that. I am a crafty person, too bad my ideas never look like what my hands make. I was worried Addison's birthday would be another disaster brought to you by my un-artistic hands, BUT, it turned out great!

Disclaimer, I didn't get a picture of everything I wanted to because I had a migraine and my meds didn't kick in yet. By the time they did, I totally forgot to get a picture of all of the decorations I had made. :( Oh, well. Here are the projects I did get a picture of.

Cookie Monster Cupcakes

 Elmo Cupcakes

Grover Cupcakes (Addison's favorite character)

Elmo Fruit AND Veggie Platter (with homemade ranch and vanilla fruit dip)

Oscar The Grouch Veggie Platter 

Big Bird Punch

For food we had character cupcakes, Cookie Monster Cookies, Big Bird Punch, and character fruit and veggie platters. For favors we gave out Gold Fish crackers in honor of Dorthy. 

More of The Spread.

Addison's banner and her new friends that match her much loved Elmo. 

A few of the many tissue paper flowers I made. What you can't see is the circle rainbow garland which Addison was very distraught I took down after the party.  Due to my migraine, I wasn't thinking clearly enough to take pictures of all the decorations I wanted to have a picture of. 

 Addison's Elmo shirt and the Elmo tutu I made her. She thought the whole outfit, even her much hated pigtails, were AWESOME.

Cupcake Time! I was surprised she picked out an Elmo cupcake over a Grover one, but I think the red was just too inviting for her to turn down. And luckily for her, she had so many people there that loved her enough to share their food, so she also got in more than a day's worth of fruits and veggies. I heard that she begged strawberries off anyone that would get one for her!

Addison's Thank You Cards

Addison's personal thank you.

The character heads and Sesame signs I made.

All hand cut. We don't own a anything cool enough to keep me from cutting these out by hand.

Grover

Oscar

Elmo

Big Bird with flap-able beak!

Addison's welcome sign. This was on our front door.